he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
