I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
