Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
