No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
