I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
