Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
