She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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