A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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