I skipped work to stalk him.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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