Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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