apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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