You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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