i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
