i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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