Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
