i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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