you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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