I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
