Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
