I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
