I'm pants shitting drunk right now
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Randomize
