I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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