I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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