The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
