She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
