I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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