FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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