do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
