I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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