just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
