I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
