I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
