We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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