Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
