i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
