Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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