When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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