So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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