it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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