I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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