im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
