Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just found a bag of teeth...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
