So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
