He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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