i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
