There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
