She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
