lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
