If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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