I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
