hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
