I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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