I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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